WARNING: Reviewer is sarcastic and snarks at everything.
December can't come fast enough.
With the release of Xenoblade Chronicles X
on the horizon, I realized I don't really have anything to do in this time. Why not write some quick reviews while my brother is occupied with Fallout 4
?The Wiggles Movie
, or as it was called in it's North American release, Magical Adventure: A Wiggly Movie,
is one of the dumbest films I've ever seen. And yes, I've seen Cat in the Hat
and Son of the Mask
. Basically, the Wiggles are playing at a local Australian school and stuff, and performing magic tricks, and it's Dorothy's 'Dinosaur Birthday' or something like that, and they are planning it for her, without even bothering to wish her a Happy Birthday at any point until the end of the movie, while Wally, this wizard guy, steals the wand because Dorothy is a dumbass who just left the wand out just for anybody to steal, and he wants it because he wants to be a master wizard, and then the film turns into a series of non-sequetors that only barely connect Act 1 and Act 3.
"But wait, you incredibly sexy reviewer that is in no way trying to rip off
no seriously you gais, what do you mean 'non-sequetors'"? Glad you asked. This film makes no sense whatsoever, and relies on this to keep Little Timmy entertained as your personal babysitter for the next hour or so.
- What the hell is a 'Dinosaur Birthday'? Never explained. She's the only dinosaur in the film, did they pull a Jurassic Park
and somehow made a baby dinosaur? Can't be, the flashbacks show the young Wiggles as musical prodigies at Dorothy's first 'Dinosaur Birthday'. Besides, where the hell is Dorothy's parents? They never show up at the surprise party at the end of the film.
- Why the hell is there a rainbow that allows anyone to traverse between our world and the Wiggles World whenever they feel like it?
- Why does the door at the Wiggles House not recognize the Wiggles or Dorothy? It has eyes for God's sake. He should know what they look like.
- Besides, what kind of password system requires mathematics to do? It's not a security question, I could just pull out my calculator and get through the door.
- Why am I looking too deeply into this sh*t?
- Why should I care?
- Why am I not playing Xenoblade X
- Why am I not watching The Boy and the Beast
right now? (plz hurry Madman)
- What's with the pointless songs?
- Why is there an area covered in f*cking permafrost in the Wiggles world? You're making Twilight
I could be here all day, but seriously, watch this film. It's by no means a good film, but it is a brilliant surreal masterpiece. We have perfect bad movie material right here folks. Just gather a bunch of your friends, plenty of alcohol, set it up and watch it MST3K style, and you have what you need for a great night out. Just don't show it to your kids, they deserve better than this.